Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Guest Lecture (yay!)

So I got invited to do a guest lecture at Oxford. Yes, the one in England. Come to think of it, I don't think there's another one out there. But I got invited to do a lecture at Oxford. Cool, huh?

Okay, before I go on, I should point out that it's not as impressive as it sounds. I'd love to claim that they were dazzled by my brilliance from the opposite side of the Atlantic and offered to pay my air fare to get out there and spend a day lecturing and meeting the faculty.

I'd love to claim that, but that would be, at the very least, an exaggeration. A paper I wrote a while back got read and well received at their local journal club and my supervisor got contacted about it. As it turns out, April and I will be in the area in the not-too-terribly distant future, and they asked if I would be willing to give a brief (1-hour) lecture while I was there. So it's technically an invited guest lecture, but if not for the fact that I'm gonna be there anyway, there's no possible way they would've invited me. But, hey, it's Oxford. I mean, Oxford.

Yeah, if you haven't gathered so far, I think it's kinda cool. I have given lectures in the past. Many, many of them, actually. Of course, very few of those (like, one) have been given outside my own university, but I'm not exactly a stranger to lectures like this one. None of them have been outside the country, much less the continent.

So, yes, I'm kinda excited about this.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Patriotism Defined

What a lot of people seem to define as "being a patriot" is pretty much the exact opposite of what I feel patriotism is. Patriotism has become defined by one's adherence to whatever the party in power decides the country is going to do. It's become defined by one's unwillingness to question those in power, and one's by-rote acceptance of the country's policies.

This isn't the definition of patriotism, that's the definition of stupidity.

Let's talk about the Dixie chicks for a second. Yes, I know, they're a country western band, and country isn't exactly my thing, but they found themselves in some pretty hot water on the eve of the Iraq offensive because they (gasp) dared suggest that the president is an idiot. For that, they got pilloried in the mass media and labeled as, among other things; traitors, sluts, and unpatriotic, to name a few. And not by a small number of people. Think about that for a second, the crime they committed, dire as it was, consisted of a twelve-word comment where they voiced their disappointment with the war and the Bush administration. And for that, they were labeled as bad patriots.

Now, let me be clear, and this cannot be emphasized enough, the people who slapped that label on them had every right to do so. That's not the issue I want to get into. What I do find somewhat disturbing about the whole affair is how dissenting from those in power got to be viewed as "unpatriotic." The attitude that, as my moron of a president so aptly put it, "you're either with us, or against us" is one of the stupidest, not to mention dangerous attitudes to have under any circumstances. I disagree with pretty much everything the current administration has done since they came into power, but I will personally beat someone senseless who suggests that I don't love and care about both of my countries dearly. I was born straddling the Canada-US border. I have roots placed in both countries. I pay taxes in both countries. I can vote in both countries. I can be drafted in one of them, and I'm willing to fight and die to defend either of them from enemies both foreign and domestic.

And here's what is important to remember: the fact that I don't feel that one of my countries hasn't earned the right to boast about the fact that they're the greatest country in the world doesn't mean that I love that country any less. That's like claiming that a parent who scolds a child suddenly hates them. Voicing dissent with one's country, when it exists, is not only the right of every single American citizen, it's their duty. Wanting the country to do better than it has been doing is the very definition of patriotism. One who wishes and hopes that their country can, someday, live up to the reputation of being the greatest country in the world is the very definition of a patriot.

Keeping your mouth shut when you disagree with something your country is doing, or with a policy that has been laid out, that is the single most unpatriotic position you can possibly take.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Beat sticks

So I lost the nail of my right index finger. Not that this is terribly surprising. It got whallopped quite soundly by about ten pounds of metal. Fortunately, the X-rays showed no damage to the phalanges, so I'm all good. Broken fingers are no fun, and it really would've sucked to break one of 'em.

That's one of our riskier two-person fighting forms that we do. Spear vs. halberd is a challenge at the best of times, and there's a little less of a margin of error on that one. But I have it on reasonable authority that it looks pretty darn good.

We also do a less nerve-wracking fighting form where the worst-case scenario is a bad bruise. My buddy picks up a 6-foot long staff, I pick up a pair of 2-ish foot long clubs, and we try to beat each other to death with them.

Now let's take a minute to talk about these forms. Yes, they're choreographed and planned out (we do do free sparring with weapons, but that's neither here nor there), but that doesn't mean that it's not real. You screw up in these forms and you get clobbered. Yeah, you know what's coming, but we're not pulling our strikes, and I have the bruises to prove it. I came close to being knocked unconscious by my partner when I was a little slow on a block. My fault, really. And the bottom line is that if you can't accept the reality that you're going to pick up a few bruises doing this kind of activity, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

The form in question is a little more anxiety-causing than some others, at least for me, for one simple reason. Those clubs are short. If you want to strike at someone holding a long staff, you have to be well inside their strike range to be in any way effective. If you're not careful, a guy with a staff can knock your head off of your shoulders before you're able to close in enough to get on the offensive. So it's in your best interest to know where both ends of that staff are at any instant in time, and not be where they are.

Suffice it to say, you learn to read someone's body posture really fast. You learn to move quickly and keep light on your feet to avoid getting clocked. Trust me, even the light end of the staff to the head is no fun.

Now, while these forms are the ones which are most likely to cause injury, they're also the ones that you learn fastest. Getting clubbed in the ribs is often a strong motivator to not make that mistake next time.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

The Annotated State of the Union Address: 2007

Thank you very much. And tonight, I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own -- as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker.

Yeah, you lost the midterms. Deal with it.


In his day, the late Congressman Thomas D'Alesandro, Jr. from Baltimore, Maryland, saw Presidents Roosevelt and Truman at this rostrum.

Take a drink if he pronounced "rostrum" properly.


But nothing could compare with the sight of his only daughter, Nancy, presiding tonight as Speaker of the House of Representatives. Congratulations, Madam Speaker.

You do realize she's a democrat, right?


Two members of the House and Senate are not with us tonight, and we pray for the recovery and speedy return of Senator Tim Johnson and Congressman Charlie Norwood.

Tim Johnson is officially the first member of the democratic party who has been specifically named in a State of the Union address, who wasn't Joe Liebermann.


Madam Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:

Except for Liberals. And Gays. And people who are outside of Paris Hilton's tax bracket. And black people. And non-Christians.

But everybody else, great to see you.


The rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour -- when decisions are hard and courage is needed. We enter the year 2007 with large endeavors underway, and others that are ours to begin. In all of this, much is asked of us. We must have the will to face difficult challenges and determined enemies -- and the wisdom to face them together.

Some in this chamber are new to the House and the Senate -- and I congratulate the Democrat majority.

Now PLEASE don't impeach me.


Congress has changed, but not our responsibilities. Each of us is guided by our own convictions -- and to these we must stay faithful.

The madness of King George.


Yet we're all held to the same standards,

Let's face it Georgie, you set the bar pretty low when it comes to standards.


and called to serve the same good purposes: To extend this nation's prosperity; to spend the people's money wisely; to solve problems, not leave them to future generations; to guard America against all evil; and to keep faith with those we have sent forth to defend us.

Sayeth the man responsible for a mess which will require several generations to clean up. Not to mention the man who has single-handedly pissed off a whole new generation of potential terrorist recruits.


We're not the first to come here with a government divided and uncertainty in the air. Like many before us, we can work through our differences, and achieve big things for the American people. Our citizens don't much care which side of the aisle we sit on -- as long as we're willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done.

Sayeth the man who has done more to divide the country along party lines than just about any president in the history of the United States.


Our job is to make life better for our fellow Americans, and to help them to build a future of hope and opportunity -- and this is the business before us tonight.

Sayeth the man who took the single highest surplus in the history of the country, and turned it into the single largest deficit, in the span of four years.


A future of hope and opportunity begins with a growing economy -- and that is what we have. We're now in the 41st month of uninterrupted job growth, in a recovery that has created 7.2 million new jobs -- so far. Unemployment is low, inflation is low, and wages are rising. This economy is on the move, and our job is to keep it that way, not with more government, but with more enterprise.

Is he about to take credit for the increase in minimum wage that the Democrats just managed to push through congress?


Next week, I'll deliver a full report on the state of our economy. Tonight, I want to discuss three economic reforms that deserve to be priorities for this Congress.

First, we must balance the federal budget. We can do so without raising taxes.

But we might have to forgo cutting taxes to Paris Hilton.


What we need is impose spending discipline in Washington, D.C. We set a goal of cutting the deficit in half by 2009, and met that goal three years ahead of schedule.

A defecit created by... who, exactly?

This is like having someone throw cow manure all over you, then pat himself on the back for shooing the flies away.


Now let us take the next step. In the coming weeks, I will submit a budget that eliminates the federal deficit within the next five years. I ask you to make the same commitment. Together, we can restrain the spending appetite of the federal government, and we can balance the federal budget.

Maybe if we stopped fighting a pointless war that's roughly as popular as a guy with a rash at a nudist colony....


Next, there is the matter of earmarks. These special interest items are often slipped into bills at the last hour -- when not even C-SPAN is watching. In 2005 alone, the number of earmarks grew to over 13,000 and totaled nearly $18 billion. Even worse, over 90 percent of earmarks never make it to the floor of the House and Senate -- they are dropped into committee reports that are not even part of the bill that arrives on my desk. You didn't vote them into law. I didn't sign them into law. Yet, they're treated as if they have the force of law. The time has come to end this practice. So let us work together to reform the budget process, expose every earmark to the light of day and to a vote in Congress, and cut the number and cost of earmarks at least in half by the end of this session.

And until November, what party was putting these earmarks in? The Democrats sure didn't have the power then.


And, finally, to keep this economy strong we must take on the challenge of entitlements. Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid are commitments of conscience, and so it is our duty to keep them permanently sound. Yet, we're failing in that duty. And this failure will one day leave our children with three bad options: huge tax increases, huge deficits, or huge and immediate cuts in benefits. Everyone in this chamber knows this to be true -- yet somehow we have not found it in ourselves to act. So let us work together and do it now. With enough good sense and goodwill, you and I can fix Medicare and Medicaid -- and save Social Security.

And you could save it, if you kept Paris Hilton's taxes right where they are right now, thank you very much.


Spreading opportunity and hope in America also requires public schools that give children the knowledge and character they need in life. Five years ago, we rose above partisan differences to pass the No Child Left Behind Act, preserving local control, raising standards, and holding those schools accountable for results.

And have, in the process, guaranteed that the bulk of students under the No Child Left Behind Act are, in fact, left behind.


And because we acted, students are performing better in reading and math, and minority students are closing the achievement gap.

And right now, over 50% of high school students still can't identify their home state on a map of the US.

And two different school districts are trying to place "Intelligent Design" in the science classroom.

But we're not leaving any child behind, that's for sure.


Now the task is to build on the success, without watering down standards, without taking control from local communities, and without backsliding and calling it reform. We can lift student achievement even higher by giving local leaders flexibility to turn around failing schools, and by giving families with children stuck in failing schools the right to choose someplace better. We must increase funds for students who struggle -- and make sure these children get the special help they need. And we can make sure our children are prepared for the jobs of the future and our country is more competitive by strengthening math and science skills. The No Child Left Behind Act has worked for America's children

... badly...


-- and I ask Congress to reauthorize this good law.

Bush seems to have a real problem with reality.


A future of hope and opportunity requires that all our citizens have affordable and available health care. When it comes to health care, government has an obligation to care for the elderly, the disabled, and poor children. And we will meet those responsibilities. For all other Americans, private health insurance is the best way to meet their needs. But many Americans cannot afford a health insurance policy.

At which point, Anne Coulter could be heard screaming in anguish.


And so tonight, I propose two new initiatives to help more Americans afford their own insurance. First, I propose a standard tax deduction for health insurance that will be like the standard tax deduction for dependents. Families with health insurance will pay no income on payroll tax -- or payroll taxes on $15,000 of their income. Single Americans with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $7,500 of their income. With this reform, more than 100 million men, women, and children who are now covered by employer-provided insurance will benefit from lower tax bills. At the same time, this reform will level the playing field for those who do not get health insurance through their job. For Americans who now purchase health insurance on their own, this proposal would mean a substantial tax savings -- $4,500 for a family of four making $60,000 a year. And for the millions of other Americans who have no health insurance at all, this deduction would help put a basic private health insurance plan within their reach. Changing the tax code is a vital and necessary step to making health care affordable for more Americans.

So, why was none of this suggested, oh, say, SIX YEARS AGO, WHEN WE HAD ENOUGH OF A BUDGET SURPLUS TO DO IT!?


My second proposal is to help the states that are coming up with innovative ways to cover the uninsured. States that make basic private health insurance available to all their citizens should receive federal funds to help them provide this coverage to the poor and the sick. I have asked the Secretary of Health and Human Services to work with Congress to take existing federal funds and use them to create "Affordable Choices" grants. These grants would give our nation's governors more money and more flexibility to get private health insurance to those most in need.

There are many other ways that Congress can help. We need to expand Health Savings Accounts. We need to help small businesses through Association Health Plans. We need to reduce costs and medical errors with better information technology. We will encourage price transparency. And to protect good doctors from junk lawsuits, we passing medical liability reform. In all we do, we must remember that the best health care decisions are made not by government and insurance companies, but by patients and their doctors.

again, all things that would have been useful, and may even have been feasible SIX YEARS AGO. Since then, some jackass has spent all the money in the world fighting a pointless war and not killing Osama Bin Laden


Extending hope and opportunity in our country requires an immigration system worthy of America -- with laws that are fair and borders that are secure. When laws and borders are routinely violated, this harms the interests of our country. To secure our border, we're doubling the size of the Border Patrol, and funding new infrastructure and technology.

Yet even with all these steps, we cannot fully secure the border unless we take pressure off the border -- and that requires a temporary worker program. We should establish a legal and orderly path for foreign workers to enter our country to work on a temporary basis. As a result, they won't have to try to sneak in, and that will leave Border Agents free to chase down drug smugglers and criminals and terrorists. We'll enforce our immigration laws at the work site and give employers the tools to verify the legal status of their workers, so there's no excuse left for violating the law.

He says, as if all people need to violate the law is an excuse.


We need to uphold the great tradition of the melting pot that welcomes and assimilates new arrivals.

And diversity be damned.


We need to resolve the status of the illegal immigrants who are already in our country without animosity and without amnesty. Convictions run deep in this Capitol when it comes to immigration. Let us have a serious, civil, and conclusive debate, so that you can pass, and I can sign, comprehensive immigration reform into law.

... provided that it's the exact bill that I want you to pass...


Extending hope and opportunity depends on a stable supply of energy that keeps America's economy running and America's environment clean. For too long our nation has been dependent on foreign oil. And this dependence leaves us more vulnerable to hostile regimes,

Canada?


and to terrorists -- who could cause huge disruptions of oil shipments, and raise the price of oil, and do great harm to our economy.

Yeah, 'cause you know, them Canadians are sure a terror state.


It's in our vital interest to diversify America's energy supply -- the way forward is through technology. We must continue changing the way America generates electric power, by even greater use of clean coal technology, solar and wind energy, and clean, safe nuclear power. We need to press on with battery research for plug-in and hybrid vehicles, and expand the use of clean diesel vehicles and biodiesel fuel. We must continue investing in new methods of producing ethanol -- using everything from wood chips to grasses, to agricultural wastes.

All things that he suggested in the last state of the union..... and the one before that.... and the one before...


We made a lot of progress, thanks to good policies here in Washington and the strong response of the market. And now even more dramatic advances are within reach. Tonight, I ask Congress to join me in pursuing a great goal. Let us build on the work we've done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next 10 years. When we do that we will have cut our total imports by the equivalent of three-quarters of all the oil we now import from the Middle East.

Given up on getting their hands on that Iraqi oil, have they?


To reach this goal, we must increase the supply of alternative fuels, by setting a mandatory fuels standard to require 35 billion gallons of renewable and alternative fuels in 2017 -- and that is nearly five times the current target.

Which, by the way, we haven't even come close to achieving. You really think you can hit a higher target?


At the same time, we need to reform and modernize fuel economy standards for cars the way we did for light trucks -- and conserve up to 8.5 billion more gallons of gasoline by 2017.

Achieving these ambitious goals will dramatically reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but it's not going to eliminate it. And so as we continue to diversify our fuel supply, we must step up domestic oil production in environmentally sensitive ways. And to further protect America against severe disruptions to our oil supply, I ask Congress to double the current capacity of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

And where, exactly, is all this extra petroleum going to come from? Oh right, from the middle east.


America is on the verge of technological breakthroughs

The same technological breakthroughs we were on the verge of during the last state of the union, and the one before that, and the one befo-....


that will enable us to live our lives less dependent on oil. And these technologies will help us be better stewards of the environment, and they will help us to confront the serious challenge of global climate change.

Sayeth the man who refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol.


A future of hope and opportunity requires a fair, impartial system of justice. The lives of our citizens across our nation are affected by the outcome of cases pending in our federal courts. We have a shared obligation to ensure that the federal courts have enough judges to hear those cases and deliver timely rulings.

Sayeth the man who convened an emergency session of congress when a judge ruled in a way he didn't agree with.


As President, I have a duty to nominate qualified men and women to vacancies on the federal bench. And the United States Senate has a duty, as well, to give those nominees a fair hearing, and a prompt up-or-down vote on the Senate floor.

For all of us in this room, there is no higher responsibility than to protect the people of this country from danger. Five years have come and gone since we saw the scenes and felt the sorrow that the terrorists can cause.

And now we're back to the same ol' same ol'. People want to kill us, blah, blah, blah. 9/11, blah, blah. And Iraq fits in there somewhere.


We've had time to take stock of our situation. We've added many critical protections to guard the homeland.

'Cause, you know, we didn't really want that whole Habeas Corpus thing anyway, did we?


We know with certainty that the horrors of that September morning were just a glimpse of what the terrorists intend for us -- unless we stop them.

...With waterboarding....


With the distance of time, we find ourselves debating the causes of conflict and the course we have followed. Such debates are essential when a great democracy faces great questions. Yet one question has surely been settled: that to win the war on terror we must take the fight to the enemy.

And anybody who is perceived as an enemy to Guantanimo.


From the start, America and our allies have protected our people by staying on the offense. The enemy knows that the days of comfortable sanctuary, easy movement, steady financing, and free flowing communications are long over. For the terrorists, life since 9/11 has never been the same.

And it really hasn't been the same for Americans either. Bush keeps saying that the Terrorists hate us for our freedom, and he's working damn hard to make sure that soon, that won't be a problem.


Our success in this war is often measured by the things that did not happen.

We didn't find weapons of mass destruction.

We weren't greeted as liberators.

The income from oil didn't cover the expenses of the war.

We didn't have enough troops

The war didn't end when we got Saddam Hussein's kids

Or Saddam Hussein

Or Al Zarquawi

Or when the elections occurred

The mission wasn't accomplished

The Insurgency wasn't put down

And we weren't able to avoid a civil war.

Do you really want to follow this line of reasoning?


We cannot know the full extent of the attacks that we and our allies have prevented,

The bigger question, however, is: what is the full extent of the attacks that we and our allies guaranteed will happen some time in the future?


but here is some of what we do know: We stopped an al Qaeda plot to fly a hijacked airplane into the tallest building on the West Coast.

Hoboy. Here we go.

This is most likely a reference to the purported plot to knock down the 73 story Library tower in Los Angeles.

Of course, all evidence suggests that the library tower plot enver even got past its conceptual stage.


We broke up a Southeast Asian terror cell grooming operatives for attacks inside the United States.

Actually, here, Georgie happens to be talking about the exact same purported Library tower plot, which, as previously mentioned, never got past the conceptual stages.


We uncovered an al Qaeda cell developing anthrax to be used in attacks against America.

According to the FBI, hopes by foreign terrorists to use Anthrax against Americans were, at best, fanciful.

And, say, what happened to the people that did attack using Anthrax just after 9/11? Don't hear much about that anymore, do you?

Could it be related to the fact that the source of said Anthrax was actually inside the US? What, terrorism is only terrorism when it comes from foreign soil?


And just last August,

... by pure coincidence, I'm sure, 90 days before the last Midterm elections...


British authorities uncovered a plot to blow up passenger planes bound for America over the Atlantic Ocean.

In a series of raids, British Authorities arrested 24 men. A few of whom had actually checked the internet for flight schedules. And a very few of whom actually had the passports necessary to get onto the flights they were supposedly going to crash "within days" according to your press conference immediately after the arrest.

It has since been determined that the purported plan, to mix the chemical constituants into bombmaking materials on the plain was likely infeasible by amateurs, or even by professional chemists.

And since the raids, 8 of the 24 people arrested have been released.

The Brits had been watching all 24 of those men for over a year.


For each life saved, we owe a debt of gratitude to the brave public servants who devote their lives to finding the terrorists and stopping them.

Every success against the terrorists is a reminder of the shoreless ambitions of this enemy. The evil that inspired and rejoiced in 9/11 is still at work in the world. And so long as that's the case, America is still a nation at war.

In the mind of the terrorist, this war began well before September the 11th, and will not end until their radical vision is fulfilled. And these past five years have given us a much clearer view of the nature of this enemy. Al Qaeda and its followers are Sunni extremists, possessed by hatred and commanded by a harsh and narrow ideology. Take almost any principle of civilization, and their goal is the opposite. They preach with threats, instruct with bullets and bombs, and promise paradise for the murder of the innocent.

Our enemies are quite explicit about their intentions. They want to overthrow moderate governments, and establish safe havens from which to plan and carry out new attacks on our country. By killing and terrorizing Americans, they want to force our country to retreat from the world and abandon the cause of liberty. They would then be free to impose their will and spread their totalitarian ideology. Listen to this warning from the late terrorist Zarqawi: "We will sacrifice our blood and bodies to put an end to your dreams, and what is coming is even worse." Osama bin Laden declared: "Death is better than living on this Earth with the unbelievers among us."

You do realize that Zarqawi was never, in any meaningful sense, a member of Al Quaida, right?


These men are not given to idle words,

Past tense. One of 'em's dead, remember? And you've been milking that for all it's worth to distract us from the fact that the one who actually had anything whatsoever to do with 9/11 is still at large.


and they are just one camp in the Islamist radical movement. In recent times, it has also become clear that we face an escalating danger from Shia extremists who are just as hostile to America, and are also determined to dominate the Middle East.

And why is that? Who's the moronic jackass who's been spending his time pissing off a whole generation of Islamic extremists and not catching Osama Bin Laden?


Many are known to take direction from the regime in Iran, which is funding and arming terrorists like Hezbollah -- a group second only to al Qaeda in the American lives it has taken.

Anybody else finding this familiar?


The Shia and Sunni extremists are different faces of the same totalitarian threat. Whatever slogans they chant, when they slaughter the innocent they have the same wicked purposes. They want to kill Americans, kill democracy in the Middle East, and gain the weapons to kill on an even more horrific scale.

Yep, now it sounds familiar.


In the sixth year since our nation was attacked, I wish I could report to you that the dangers had ended. They have not. And so it remains the policy of this government to use every lawful and proper tool of intelligence,

... torture...


diplomacy, law enforcement, and military action to do our duty, to find these enemies, and to protect the American people.

This war is more than a clash of arms -- it is a decisive ideological struggle, and the security of our nation is in the balance. To prevail, we must remove the conditions that inspire blind hatred, and drove 19 men to get onto airplanes and to come and kill us. What every terrorist fears most is human freedom

And at the rate Bush is going, pretty soon they will have nothing to fear in America.


-- societies where men and women make their own choices, answer to their own conscience, and live by their hopes instead of their resentments. Free people are not drawn to violent and malignant ideologies -- and most will choose a better way when they're given a chance.

Which is possibly why they're fighting us.


So we advance our own security interests by helping moderates and reformers and brave voices for democracy. The great question of our day is whether America will help men and women in the Middle East to build free societies and share in the rights of all humanity. And I say, for the sake of our own security, we must.

Whether they want it or not.


In the last two years, we've seen the desire for liberty in the broader Middle East -- and we have been sobered by the enemy's fierce reaction. In 2005, the world watched as the citizens of Lebanon raised the banner of the Cedar Revolution, they drove out the Syrian occupiers and chose new leaders in free elections. In 2005, the people of Afghanistan defied the terrorists and elected a democratic legislature. And in 2005, the Iraqi people held three national elections, choosing a transitional government, adopting the most progressive, democratic constitution in the Arab world, and then electing a government under that constitution. Despite endless threats from the killers in their midst, nearly 12 million Iraqi citizens came out to vote in a show of hope and solidarity that we should never forget.

And yet, the current government was elected with a pretty slim minority of the votes; just more votes than anyone else had.


A thinking enemy watched all of these scenes, adjusted their tactics, and in 2006 they struck back. In Lebanon, assassins took the life of Pierre Gemayel, a prominent participant in the Cedar Revolution. Hezbollah terrorists, with support from Syria and Iran,

...in much the same way that Iraq was helping Bin Laden...


sowed conflict in the region and are seeking to undermine Lebanon's legitimately elected government. In Afghanistan, Taliban and al Qaeda fighters tried to regain power by regrouping and engaging Afghan and NATO forces. In Iraq, al Qaeda and other Sunni extremists blew up one of the most sacred places in Shia Islam

You do realize that Al Qaeda, in any real sense of the word, has no presence in Iraq, right? Al Zarqawi didn't call his organization "Al Quaeda in Iraq" until after Bush claimed that he was a major leader of Al Quaeda in Iraq. For that matter, there's absolutely no evidence that he and Bin Laden have ever actually met.


-- the Golden Mosque of Samarra. This atrocity, directed at a Muslim house of prayer, was designed to provoke retaliation from Iraqi Shia -- and it succeeded. Radical Shia elements, some of whom receive support from Iran, formed death squads. The result was a tragic escalation of sectarian rage and reprisal that continues to this day.

This is not the fight we entered in Iraq, but it is the fight we're in. Every one of us wishes this war were over and won. Yet it would not be like us to leave our promises unkept, our friends abandoned, and our own security at risk. Ladies and gentlemen: On this day, at this hour, it is still within our power to shape the outcome of this battle. Let us find our resolve, and turn events toward victory.

At the cost of thousands of American lives.

We're carrying out a new strategy in Iraq --

TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


a plan that demands more from Iraq's elected government, and gives our forces in Iraq the reinforcements they need to complete their mission. Our goal is a democratic Iraq that upholds the rule of law, respects the rights of its people, provides them security, and is an ally in the war on terror.

In order to make progress toward this goal, the Iraqi government must stop the sectarian violence in its capital. But the Iraqis are not yet ready to do this on their own. So we're deploying reinforcements of more than 20,000 additional soldiers and Marines to Iraq. The vast majority will go to Baghdad, where they will help Iraqi forces to clear and secure neighborhoods, and serve as advisers embedded in Iraqi Army units. With Iraqis in the lead, our forces will help secure the city by chasing down the terrorists, insurgents, and the roaming death squads. And in Anbar Province, where al Qaeda terrorists have gathered and local forces have begun showing a willingness to fight them, we're sending an additional 4,000 United States Marines, with orders to find the terrorists and clear them out. We didn't drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq.

So, in other words, exactly what we've been trying to do for the last three years, only with more troops.

Brilliant.


The people of Iraq want to live in peace, and now it's time for their government to act. Iraq's leaders know that our commitment is not open-ended.

It's only good as long as they keep supplying oil.


They have promised to deploy more of their own troops to secure Baghdad -- and they must do so. They pledged that they will confront violent radicals of any faction or political party -- and they need to follow through, and lift needless restrictions on Iraqi and coalition forces, so these troops can achieve their mission of bringing security to all of the people of Baghdad. Iraq's leaders have committed themselves to a series of benchmarks -- to achieve reconciliation, to share oil revenues among all of Iraq's citizens, to put the wealth of Iraq into the rebuilding of Iraq, to allow more Iraqis to re-enter their nation's civic life, to hold local elections, and to take responsibility for security in every Iraqi province. But for all of this to happen, Baghdad must be secure. And our plan will help the Iraqi government take back its capital and make good on its commitments.

You know, I'm desperately trying to find some objective measure by which the situation in Iraq is actually better now than it was before we invaded. No luck so far.


My fellow citizens, our military commanders and I have carefully weighed the options.

After which, Georgie carefully ignored their suggestions.


We discussed every possible approach. In the end, I chose this course of action because it provides the best chance for success. Many in this chamber understand that America must not fail in Iraq,

...any worse than we already have...


because you understand that the consequences of failure would be grievous and far-reaching.

If American forces step back before Baghdad is secure,

... ignoring, for the moment, that Baghdad was secure before we stepped forward...


the Iraqi government would be overrun by extremists on all sides. We could expect an epic battle between Shia extremists backed by Iran, and Sunni extremists aided by al Qaeda and supporters of the old regime. A contagion of violence could spill out across the country -- and in time, the entire region could be drawn into the conflict.

For America, this is a nightmare scenario. For the enemy, this is the objective. Chaos is the greatest ally -- their greatest ally in this struggle. And out of chaos in Iraq would emerge an emboldened enemy with new safe havens, new recruits, new resources, and an even greater determination to harm America. To allow this to happen would be to ignore the lessons of September the 11th and invite tragedy. Ladies and gentlemen, nothing is more important at this moment in our history than for America to succeed in the Middle East, to succeed in Iraq and to spare the American people from this danger.

Is he really claiming that if we pull out now, they'll follow us home?


This is where matters stand tonight, in the here and now. I have spoken with many of you in person. I respect you and the arguments you've made. We went into this largely united, in our assumptions and in our convictions.

Not really. We went into this with a monkey-boy president supported by a congress full of "yes" men.


And whatever you voted for, you did not vote for failure.

We sure as hell didn't vote for you.


Our country is pursuing a new strategy in Iraq, and I ask you to give it a chance to work. And I ask you to support our troops in the field, and those on their way.

The war on terror we fight today is a generational struggle that will continue long after you and I have turned our duties over to others. And that's why it's important to work together so our nation can see this great effort through. Both parties and both branches should work in close consultation. It's why I propose to establish a special advisory council on the war on terror, made up of leaders in Congress from both political parties. We will share ideas for how to position America to meet every challenge that confronts us. We'll show our enemies abroad that we are united in the goal of victory.

Maybe we should actually fight THE WAR ON TERROR, huh? I'm still waiting for any one of your justifications for an invasion of Iraq to stand up to even the most minor scrutiny.


And one of the first steps we can take together is to add to the ranks of our military so that the American Armed Forces are ready for all the challenges ahead. Tonight I ask the Congress to authorize an increase in the size of our active Army and Marine Corps by 92,000 in the next five years.

And where are these 92,000 volunteers going to come from?

(*insert new bullshit euphamism for "draft"*)


A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps.

See?


Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them. It would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time.

How, exactly, do you get conscientious objector status?


Americans can have confidence in the outcome of this struggle because we're not in this struggle alone. We have a diplomatic strategy that is rallying the world

... approximately three countries thereof, anyway...


to join in the fight against extremism. In Iraq, multinational forces are operating under a mandate from the United Nations. We're working with Jordan and Saudi Arabia and Egypt and the Gulf States to increase support for Iraq's government.

The United Nations has imposed sanctions on Iran, and made it clear that the world will not allow the regime in Tehran to acquire nuclear weapons. With the other members of the Quartet -- the U.N., the European Union, and Russia -- we're pursuing diplomacy to help bring peace to the Holy Land, and pursuing the establishment of a democratic Palestinian state living side-by-side with Israel in peace and security. In Afghanistan, NATO has taken the lead in turning back the Taliban and al Qaeda offensive -- the first time the Alliance has deployed forces outside the North Atlantic area. Together with our partners in China, Japan, Russia, and South Korea, we're pursuing intensive diplomacy to achieve a Korean Peninsula free of nuclear weapons.

I don't know if you missed that particular intelligence briefing, but Korea already has nuclear weapons.


We will continue to speak out for the cause of freedom in places like Cuba, Belarus, and Burma -- and continue to awaken the conscience of the world to save the people of Darfur.

American foreign policy is more than a matter of war and diplomacy.

After all, Diplomacy is highly overrated.


Our work in the world is also based on a timeless truth: To whom much is given, much is required. We hear the call to take on the challenges of hunger and poverty and disease -- and that is precisely what America is doing. We must continue to fight HIV/AIDS, especially on the continent of Africa. Because you funded our Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, the number of people receiving life-saving drugs has grown from 50,000 to more than 800,000 in three short years. I ask you to continue funding our efforts to fight HIV/AIDS. I ask you to provide $1.2 billion over five years so we can combat malaria in 15 African countries.

26% of which will be used in "Abstinence Only" programs.


I ask that you fund the Millennium Challenge Account, so that American aid reaches the people who need it, in nations where democracy is on the rise and corruption is in retreat. And let us continue to support the expanded trade and debt relief that are the best hope for lifting lives and eliminating poverty.

When America serves others in this way, we show the strength and generosity of our country. These deeds reflect the character of our people. The greatest strength we have is the heroic kindness, courage, and self-sacrifice of the American people. You see this spirit often if you know where to look -- and tonight we need only look above to the gallery.

Let the exploitation begin.


Dikembe Mutombo grew up in Africa, amid great poverty and disease. He came to Georgetown University on a scholarship to study medicine -- but Coach John Thompson got a look at Dikembe and had a different idea. Dikembe became a star in the NBA, and a citizen of the United States. But he never forgot the land of his birth, or the duty to share his blessings with others. He built a brand new hospital in his old hometown. A friend has said of this good-hearted man: "Mutombo believes that God has given him this opportunity to do great things." And we are proud to call this son of the Congo a citizen of the United States of America.

Next, he'll be parading David Beckham around.


After her daughter was born, Julie Aigner-Clark searched for ways to share her love of music and art with her child. So she borrowed some equipment, and began filming children's videos in her basement. The Baby Einstein Company was born, and in just five years her business grew to more than $20 million in sales. In November 2001, Julie sold Baby Einstein to the Walt Disney Company, and with her help Baby Einstein has grown into a $200 million business. Julie represents the great enterprising spirit of America. And she is using her success to help others -- producing child safety videos with John Walsh of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Julie says of her new project: "I believe it's the most important thing that I have ever done. I believe that children have the right to live in a world that is safe." And so tonight, we are pleased to welcome this talented business entrepreneur and generous social entrepreneur -- Julie Aigner-Clark.

And soon, we'll draft her daughter into the War on Terror.


Three weeks ago, Wesley Autrey was waiting at a Harlem subway station with his two little girls, when he saw a man fall into the path of a train. With seconds to act, Wesley jumped onto the tracks, pulled the man into the space between the rails, and held him as the train passed right above their heads. He insists he's not a hero. He says: "We got guys and girls overseas dying for us to have our freedoms. We have got to show each other some love." There is something wonderful about a country that produces a brave and humble man like Wesley Autrey.

Okay, am I the only one who's starting to think that Bush is trying to take credit for all of this?


Tommy Rieman was a teenager pumping gas in Independence, Kentucky, when he enlisted in the United States Army. In December 2003, he was on a reconnaissance mission in Iraq when his team came under heavy enemy fire. From his Humvee, Sergeant Rieman returned fire; he used his body as a shield to protect his gunner. He was shot in the chest and arm, and received shrapnel wounds to his legs -- yet he refused medical attention, and stayed in the fight. He helped to repel a second attack, firing grenades at the enemy's position. For his exceptional courage, Sergeant Rieman was awarded the Silver Star. And like so many other Americans who have volunteered to defend us, he has earned the respect and the gratitude of our entire country.

Exploit! Exploit!


In such courage and compassion, ladies and gentlemen, we see the spirit and character of America -- and these qualities are not in short supply. This is a decent and honorable country -- and resilient, too. We've been through a lot together. We've met challenges and faced dangers, and we know that more lie ahead. Yet we can go forward with confidence -- because the State of our Union is strong, our cause in the world is right, and tonight that cause goes on. God bless.

See you next year.

Assuming I'm still in office by then...


Thank you for your prayers.

Except for you non-Christians. I don't want yer prayers.